Transparent Watermark

This week could be compared to the workings of a pressure cooker. Every hour that passed, every hour I did not sleep, eat, and care, more and more pressure built up in my soul. Procrastination was at its best. Frustration with my lack of ability to properly convey myself through the ten page paper I wrote in almost literally two days remained prominent. And yet, everything worked out as it always does. Poignant meetings occurred. Worthwhile conversations were had. I said goodbye — the real goodbye — to a girl that I had met the day I arrived at the Seminar House. We both struggled. We both endured. Goodbyes with dubious undertones were unavoidable.

These moments are hardly at their end.

I despise these times.

Next week is the last week I will be in Hirakata, Osaka. Thankfully, I only have my R&W Japanese final on Monday morning and my Spoken Japanese final Tuesday morning. After that, all that is left are to follow through with plans made prior, smile when the proper cue is given, laugh while you can, and then goodbye. From there, my destination is not the US, but Shinjuku, Tokyo with Dave and his friends for 5 days. I depart from Narita at 7PM the 21st and arrive in NJ at midnight the 22nd. Chances are, I will have to hit up an internet/manga cafe in Akiba somewhere to stay connected. On the other hand, I may just jack out for those five days and report back once I recover from jetlag and the slap in the face of being back in the oh-so-wonderful US.

Excuse the melodrama, but this is how it is for me. I’m not going to downplay it for anyone and pretend that in the last month, much of what I considered to be unlikely to occur, actually did. Another chapter is coming to an end, and too many characters were introduced late. Characters are at risk of being written out and never revisted again. “Keep in contact by e-mail” you say? Sorry, but the reality of my story is: I do not know what the future holds. I do not know what my story holds for anyone I have met in the time I have spent here. And to be blunt, I will figure out quickly through some conceptual, emotive form of osmosis whether or not an individual will be someone that I can keep in touch with without attached obligations. Those will be the ones I call friends; those that I have shared and experienced something worth clinging onto. To loosely quote from “A Strange Tale Down By The River,” one of Yoshimoto Banana’s short stories in her book “Lizard”:

“I’m not the type of person who keeps up with old friends. I have far too many other things to concern myself with.”

Replace the word “friends” with “acquaintances” and you have my general state of mind. There are those that will undoubtedly remain involved at a distance, those I will never forget, and those that will disperse from my life with no hope of revival. Their life will continue, as will mine. That will be that.

This past Tuesday, I had the unpleasure of informing my roommate that I am leaving next week. They sort of gasped a bit in surprise, as most people have when I broke the news. What strikes me is how people allow themselves to be taken off-guard by assuming that everyone who is around them loves Japan so much that they MUST be staying for a whole year just like them. I feel a bit of contempt for those persons, but it is only a bit. The result has been that my roommate and I have been having longer chit-chat sessions about whatever specific topic is brought up. This is not my doing, but theirs. What this equates to is basically the process of getting acquainted with each other when we first met one another as we did the week I arrived. My roommate is staying another semester.

Don’t make this harder than it needs to be. I’ve always been kind and thoughtful of your presence at every onset. Just let this be. It is all too late, and we seemed to be fine with that before. Don’t get close to me. You will regret it.

Aside from my finals and a BS paper I have to pull from the ether, I am dreading and looking forward to next week. Tomorrow, I will be meeting up with Rob and others at Nipponbashi for one last sojurn. Monday, I will be studying my butt off. Tuesday, I have one last lunch with Kyohei, and later on, my fourth and supposedly final meeting/outing with Kazuna without having to deal with time constraints for once. Wednesday, I start packing, and will be taking part in a one-shot, 5-hour, table-top RP in Seminar House 2 that I was offered. Having discussed a few details with the DM on the day I happened to be at the right place at the right time, I am excited about it, despite my lack of table-top experience. Thursday, I double-check that I am covered in terms of being able to get my things home and my books mailed by boat. Later that night, I will be attending a dinner with most of the people from Seminar House 2 that should have, been my family. Friday, my room is inspected, and by 6:30PM, I will say goodbye to Seminar House 1 by way of unspoken departure (if possible), somehow manage to get to Hirakata-shi Station by bus with something like 40lbs. attached to my body, meet up with the Tokyo group around 8PM, take a train to somewhere in Kyoto, and finally, board our overnight bus that will drop us off probably near Shinjuku Station around 7AM the next morning.

Time is running out…I need to settle on whether I’m going to shell out 25,000yen for a DS Lite & Tetris DS or a PSP…with some game that isn’t too hard to translate and can keep me occupied for hours on end (i.e. not an RPG, but has high fun factor). Seeing some decent deals on eBay for DS Lites are making me not want to even bother buying one here for retail value. I have no idea why I’m bothering to say this, but if anyone has any final unbiased suggestions on which one could be worth the investment, given my future travels, drop me a comment before Sunday 8:30AM JST (Saturday 6:30PM EST). I’ll take it into consideration, since all I’m getting from the gamer otaku I know are biased adorations of indecisive affections…for both handhelds. >_>

Currently Listening To: Ellegarden – Eleven Fire Crackers – “Kaze No Hi”