When my best friend came over this evening, I felt the same as I usually do — fairly uncertain of what would be shared between us, and a bit anxious to know which anime I would choose to dazzle him with this time. There has been so much going on in our lives that much of what we say, do, and act seems to point towards rekindling old times — the times in which left little up to the imagination of what would transpire when the two of us were placed together. I felt a lot of that tonight, among other feelings that have nothing to do with our friendship and everything to do with my view on how I engage my daily life.

After we had exchanged various non-colloquial, 4chan-related, meme banter that was seamlessly mixed in with his art gallery exhibition, a recollection of current events, and my own feelings towards where my writing might be headed for K-N-D and Sacred Force as they applied to his willingness to depict them in art form, I began searching through my collection to decide what would be on the anime menu. I was feeling particularly melancholic, anticipating the ringing of my cell any moment. I chose an animated production that I knew he wouldn’t have predicted, and that I wanted to be reminded of.

Byousoku 5 Centimeter: A vivid, picturesque production realized by the illustrious writer, Makoto Shinkai, and the animators of Comix Wave that I had seen at Otakon on the silver screen in its entirety. A story that broke through all of my preset boundaries and brought tears of sadness and frustration to my eyes. A DVD that will set the standard for my collection as a whole.

My phone rang during Chapter 1, and it is just as well. I would have answered regardless of when it beckoned me with a soft vibration. Ten minutes later, I returned to my uncomfortable chair, expecting to be impressed once again to the utmost emotional capacity that I could muster. Letting go of her on the other line, I could sense discontent. Or maybe, it was only myself causing that wave of discontent to become even more real to me. I didn’t know, nor did I want to care. I simply knew that it was not up for discussion in the midst of the poignant mood that had settled into my darkened room. Who desires to stand in the face of battle? Love is a battlefield, our cell phones are our most dangerous weapon, and our voices shield the other where our physical bodies cannot.

An in-depth discussion ensued after its completion. Even though I had achieved my goal of deepening my sullen longing, I was happy that there was someone else who could analyze and conceptualize such a masterpiece as I always had.

“The first thought that came to my mind after watching this was…Tohno reminds me a lot of you,” he said briskly. “Always over-analyzing with passion. Always looking towards something beyond.”

I stared at my desk, eyes lowered, and smiled. “That’s because I am like him. If I ever lost my true love, everything would stop. What Tohno became in Chapter 3…that is what I would become…”

Without even looking over my shoulder in the dimness of my monitor, I could tell he wanted to say something, but couldn’t. So I continued. “As much as I would like to say, ‘Haha, just kidding,’ I can’t. I have already caught a clear glimpse of that truth in myself.”

I would be a shell of my former self, with nothing left to forge ahead towards other than my work. Even if I did recover, there could not be another like her.

Ironically, I was posed a question earlier today by someone online after replying that my lover is a source of fun for me. It went something like this…

Person: Now.. persay, something happened to your lover, causing you to be unable to contact her for a very long period of time, or perhaps death ensued…

Me: Seclusion for an indefinite period of time. Throw myself into my work. Maybe, eventually, await another while never getting rid of all the memories and physical objects she has given to me.

Person: Hmm…you are very open..

Me: When it comes to my love and my lover, I will never be more open about anything.

Person: And what of yourself? are you open about yourself?

Me: As I have said in the past, a certain level of trust and association must be gained over time.

Person: Heh, you’re very logical about these things, aren’t you?

Me: Life, pain, and experience will do that.

“You have to remember the title too,” I said softly, half distracted with my own thoughts. “The title Five centimeters per second could be a message conveying the methodology of the speed at which life passes us by.”

“Yeah yeah! You’re absolutely right! I totally forgot about the name, but yeah. Life is a journey. You can’t dwell on everything, like the fact that the petal has hit the ground and will be trampled. You should think ‘Man, that was an awesome ride’.”

I can’t seem to get over how Tohno is smiling at the very end, but the way my friend describes it does make sense. Even though Tohno reaches the end of his rope on “seeking that which is the most beautiful,” he can look back on all of his trials and think…

“…But that journey was incredible…I experienced something precious. Something no one else will ever have other than me.”

That is both the joy and pain of isshoukenmei. Though never knowing what tomorrow will bring, you continue to propel forward, like an arrow to a bullseye, with passionate fervor. And when all is said and done, whether hitting the mark of joy or sorrow, you can always reflect on the journey with heartfelt satisfaction, having experienced and endured unique moments in life unlike anyone else in existence…