What happens when the unimaginable comes smashing through the wall of self-doubt? For me, it means looking ahead to determine whether this unexpected entity that has made itself known in my life will amount to anything I wish to accomplish in life. To do this takes confidence, even when there is no assurance currently in sight. And then, to take hold of that requires isshoukenmei, because without it, all the improbabilities that now exist would make me weak, crippling me from moving forward in a way that could make what now seems doubtful, real.

A week ago from today, an instance of what I described above happened to me. I never saw it coming in my search for a part-time job to add onto my already non-stop, work-driven lifestyle, but it arrived. I approached this entity with caution, took a chance, and allowed myself to peek inside of an open door that I had always thought to be locked, if not non-existent. This week has caused me to make a decision that, if handled with confidence and isshoukenmei, could lead me to truly perceive this as an open door that I can waltz through without being apprehensive of what may be on the other side.

Yes, I am being elusive on purpose until the surrealism solidifies into an actual truth. Those who are close to me already know what I speak of. I have shared it elsewhere to others who I believed would care to hear and mentioned it within my Twitter network. All I will say is this:

Only recently, as I reflect on my sense of self, my motivations, and my isshoukenmei-based existence, have I been reminded of Yukio Mishima. I was introduced to this author/model/battalion leader/poet during my Japan abroad study in Fall 2006. This man was seen as someone who appears almost “god-like”, and perhaps he did believe he was in his own mind. He lived a full life, being strong in mind, body, and spirit, while wielding a broad spectrum of talents that only added onto the illusion that he was capable of doing anything. He believed in the samurai’s way of living: accomplishing all that one could do in a lifetime, then dying in a way that could only be perceived as honorable.

Will anything that I have been chasing after, whether dream, aspiration, or goal, ever fully come to complete fruition? I have faith that at least one will, and I want to believe that those who are walking with me or are aiding me in running these “races” will not let me down. I dislike relying on other people, because I know that I am just as capable of letting others down just as they can. However, I am not so proud as to say I will do it all myself…but if I must…

Currently Listening To: Armin Van Buuren – Armin Only DVD