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There is no real way to express my deepest shame and regret for all the many fun desires I have failed to follow through on. So…I won’t bother. I’ll just attempt to get into the habit of things yet again.
Being busy is nothing new for me. It is that “busy” that keeps me from doing certain things that I know deserve my attention. Like Sacred Force. It’s just starting to get good even though I haven’t planned out its future yet. I only know where it’s supposed to go on from where it has come to a screeching halt. I want to see it live because I really find it different and worth it.
I’m still designing on behalf of EtherFuture Designs without expecting any sort of compensation in return. For the past two or so months, I’ve been designing a website…for someone else…on a semi-flexible deadline which passed yesterday. I’m getting a bit sick of lending my ability for other people when I don’t even have my own website designed yet. I haven’t even bothered to buy like three domain names because I know I won’t get around to getting it up and running. This frustrates me to no end…I am two years overdue for establishing myself online already.
YouTube Amateur voice acting (YTAVA) as Ramune. Yup. Still successfully doing that too for half a year now. For fun. For experience. For free. None currently have any real deadlines, and that is fine. While this has been great for me, I really think I’m ready to take it to the next level and would like to eventually help other amateurs do the same. I have ideas that I’d like to gather a team and put into effect. I have formed thoughts and opinions regarding voice acting that would make great starting content to leverage said ideas. The predicament: I’m using up my availability, cruising around doing fandubs, going no where, and getting noticed by no one that can help steer my professional future.
Spent around $1500 on a secret endeavor that I have seen zero results from. Why? I haven’t used what I have and taken initiative. I want to run a MySpace experiment around this, but I’d so much not succumb and get my own unique website revved to the point that I can point anyone to it as the core of my self-marketing. Point being: I don’t want that $1500 to go to waste and I need to do something about it. If I can’t, then maybe some clients on Voices123.com could use another up-and-coming amateur.
Starting my first manga with Murat. I’ve been down this road so many times it’s painfully stupid already! I think I’ve finally reached the last straw and I’m kicking it into gear after five years of shortcomings and setbacks. We are meeting every Saturday (not this one though) to do production work on it. No questions asked. So far, we have made progress. I want SOMETHING for this year’s MangaNEXT…if there will be one.
In the midst of all of this going through my head, I just made it through a week of running the show at my full-time job as an Interactive Producer. My boss was out on vacation, so I literally was the go-to for ALL of our ten or so clients, the two interns we have, AND the Head Project Manager of everything. Yes, I was left with everything I needed, but not everything went according to plan…like being down one intern all week. After all was said and done, I believe he will be pleased with the results of this “test.”
Long story short: Sometimes I just want to be selfish — drop everything I’m doing for other people and for free and really make something happen for me. I believe God has given me all the tools I need to do so, and though I’m still learning how to use them all, I am capable of being a leader among leaders. I don’t have time for dilly-dallying or playthings anymore. Isshoukenmei is how I live daily, so it’s going to take more than frustrations to bring me down. However, I am weakest when I take note of where I stand, and lay it all out on the table like I just did.
No one sees just how much living has changed for me. Then again, there is no one who can see just how similar my life is to when it first began, except me. We all need this “rubber meets the road” evaluation every so often. This is by no means my first one. Anyone who doesn’t agree must then think of themselves as flawless. I am no such person.
Related Entry: “It’s Business Time”
4 comments
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2008-07-5 at 13:26:08
Ghazala Khan
Interview Request
Hello Dear and Respected,
I hope you are fine and carrying on the great work you have been doing for the Internet surfers. I am Ghazala Khan from The Pakistani Spectator (TPS), We at TPS throw a candid look on everything happening in and for Pakistan in the world. We are trying to contribute our humble share in the webosphere. Our aim is to foster peace, progress and harmony with passion.
We at TPS are carrying out a new series of interviews with the notable passionate bloggers, writers, and webmasters. In that regard, we would like to interview you, if you don’t mind. Please send us your approval for your interview at my email address “ghazala.khi at gmail.com”, so that I could send you the Interview questions. We would be extremely grateful.
regards.
Ghazala Khan
The Pakistani Spectator
http://www.pakspectator.com
2008-07-7 at 00:59:27
Aikou
Did you go for the interview? ^_^ If you did great…if you didn’t well that is good too. *hugs* I checked out the website myself. Seems more like my area of “expertise”…politics…bleh. ^_^ Just joking by the way. This is your thing not mine. You need things like this. I will figure it out myself.
2008-07-7 at 10:44:18
Alex Ninamori
I didn’t have to go anywhere, as it would be a bit silly to go to some faraway place just for an interview that isn’t paying me loads of money. It’s all via e-mail. Once I finish it up, I’ll make it known when it’s published.
2008-07-7 at 13:28:49
Aikou
Well, the last I checked there was a difference between “go to” and “go for”…. *shrugs then gives you a hug* I knew it was all via e-mail. I read the comment from above. But good thank you for keeping me posted. ^_^ I want to here about it. Good luck.