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I have no idea how many people legitimately read this blog, but I have to assume that the average reader is coming here because of two topics: Sims 2: Twilight or my Kansai Gaidiary. However, only the Kansai Gaidiary readers actually feel compelled to reply. I have a theory about that, but I’ll keep that to myself. With my most popular Kansai Gaidiary entry being Reflections of an ‘06 Kansai Gaidai Student, the irony of that leaves me wondering if I really “struck a chord” among a few Westerns for my honest reflection of a time that seems so vivid, and yet so distant. My latest commentator said this:
In case you didn’t know by now, your Gaidaiary is a main source, for many prospective students, of confidence and the last push to move along this path.
I truly do find that hard to believe, though ten prospective students, including the one above who spoke so well of my diary, have commented on that one entry since September ‘07 when I originally wrote it. All I wanted to do was record my thoughts and feelings as they began to wane with time. And yet, there are still memories lying deep within me that can only be awakened with things like the taste of a certain food or drink. My time in Osaka was truly amazing, but back then, “isshoukenmei” was not something that had become fully real to me.
Now, a year and a half after the fact, I have grown wiser, stronger, and more mindful of the worth that people can have in a social and business sense. I wish I had this when I was in Hirakata so I wouldn’t have to regret my lackadaisical approach towards the friends I made, Japanese and Western, for any length of time. Somehow, I must make up for it…I want to go back. The feeling to return there never goes away.
Two weeks ago, a Japanese friend I had made invited me to be his friend on MySpace. I have yet to make one and I know why.
Today, my most precious friend for the shortest period, Kazuna, said that “it would be so cool if I could be in Osaka for sakura season.” …I am strongly considering that prospect.
For someone as overambitious and independent like myself, all I can do is make the next move and believe that something is going to occur in my favor. That’s all I’ve been doing for over a year now, causing “isshoukenmei” to truly become a way of life rather than just a word I use to represent this blog. My faith is constantly in question, but every move I make is as calm and collected as possible. Though sometimes, I really do get tired of trying to be enough.
As humbling as it would be to know that I have truly encouraged or inspired someone through this blog’s existence, the chances of me finding that out as I am now are slim. I suppose I should just keep moving forward as I have been.
“‘If the king does not take the lead, then the others will not follow’” – Lelouch Lamperouge
A year has passed since I had arrived at Kansai Gaidai University and studied my brains out so that I would come back a little bit smarter than I was when I left. Not only did I come back a little bit smarter, I came back a little stronger, wiser, self-aware, and happier. I also returned with the weight of the memories I had gathered and the friendships/acquaintances I had fallen into, knowing darn well that I suck at keeping in touch with people who I probably will not see again within the next few months. A year later, I am relying on an underclassman to pass on messages for me to people I knew he would meet. Save a friend’s Australian girlfriend that we both had met together at the same time and a shout-out to my closest American friend that I made there, I haven’t contacted anyone else.
I was better off being forgotten anyway. Makes things easier on me. Thing is, I haven’t forgotten any of them. Not one.
I don’t believe I told anyone this, but I was massively disillusioned upon returning to America. I hated being here, with my friends and my lover being the main reasons why I could bear it. I didn’t want to be forced to speak English because America doesn’t believe in requiring their “free” society to be bilingual. I knew I would have no one to practice Japanese with and that every aspect necessary to master a language would gradually dull to where it is now — just barely hanging on to the belief that I really CAN speak the language. I was different…but living out my final semester on campus brought me back to where I was before I had left. My final semester was filled with many joys, frustrations, and fears. I left behind wonderful people, and had ultimately made decisions to abandon much of my past.
My lover, Chelsey, of whom I had been forcefully separated from for already a year and a half, contacted me around middle November just before I was to head off to the campus for class. I did not expect to hear from her until May. Though we still had to communicate through non-real-time means for a while still, everything changed for me, yet again, that morning. I would not have it any other way. Time still remains our nemesis to this day. Eight years is a long time for lovers to wait…and still more coming? Yes…It hurts. Her and I will come out of this hardened fighters for love and commitment, and our children will see this clear as day.
I miss melon bread. I miss the convenience stores. I miss real ramen. I miss having seaweed or an egg with all my food. I miss being underestimated as a gaijin. I miss the language. I miss the challenge of survival. I miss having an excuse to use chopsticks every day. To have adapted so well, only to not have a clue when I might be returning, is not a pleasant feeling. It was only four months.
I say “tadaima”. You say “what did you just call me?”
Here I am. Doing all that I can. Maybe someone will understand. And that one will hold my hand.
Humor me. Back to work.
Currently Listening To: +44 – When Your Heart Stops Beating – “No It Isn’t“
This past Thursday, myself, Dave, and a guy named Matt volunteered to share a bit about our memorable experiences in Japan at our college. What’s amusing is that Matt is a senior like us, but neither of us have never seen or met him before. Also, Matt went to KCP International in Shinjuku, Tokyo, while Dave and I were at Kansai Gaidai. Dave and I hardly prepared for this, even though I was probably the most concerned about the whole thing – my public speaking ability is not polished at all. However, when it came down to it, I did just fine, and there were plenty of specific questions being thrown at me to keep me on task. I must say that only having two people in the audience (the Japanese professor that organized the presentation, and the representative from the Study Abroad office) for the first fifteen minutes through also did wonders for my confidence, despite my expectancy for a more robust turnout.
My part of the presentation was focused mainly on Hirakata and my memorable experiences. I chose about 10-15 of my 400+ pictures that were centered around the layout of Kansai Gaidai’s campus and various areas near the Seminar Houses. Fifteen minutes into my shpeel, three other students and Matt walked in at once. Didn’t faze me one bit. In fact, I was more relieved and relaxed that there were more people listening to a piece of my living experiences and, at times, amusing points I really hadn’t gone into detail with anyone. If everyone were asking you “how’s Japan,” or about any life-changing experience, you wouldn’t want to go into detail either because you would rather give them a look of indifference and pretend you never heard the question for the umpteenth time. At least I would, but I am not so harsh. ^^
Dave’s presentation focused much on his home-stay experience and the traveling he did with his social circle. I had a smidgen to say about that myself in a few of my Kansai entries…but that’s besides the point. He also admitted to not studying as much as he should have, and instead purposefully sought out as much of this “other world” as he possibly could. His take on his experience in Japan was invariably socially-oriented, while mine appeared more sheltered which was not the case in the slightest. Dave stayed in Tokyo much longer than I did, so he had the opportunity to go to Tokyo Disneyland and see the Imperial Family’s New Year’s statement, among other things. In any case, him and I were able to play off of one another to make both of our presentations fascinating and worthwhile.
Matt’s presentation, on the other hand, was almost strictly informative. I had nothing against that, and he may have been pretty nervous getting up there himself, but as I was listening, all I could think of was: “I’m glad I went to Kansai Gaidai, instead of settling for KCP.” My impression of KCP was a very stilted and linear atmosphere in which the only real opportunity to have a social experience would be to join a club. He did get to see the inside of the Imperial Palace though. Gorgeous place indeed.
In some ways, I feel like the presentation was a waste of time though. I was seriously expecting at least a small crowd, but whatever. I hope those three freshmen had all their questions answered and will consider making the effort to attend. Kansai Gaidai does have its bad points as well, but the wealth and freedom of the experience was well worth a bumpy ride or two. I returned a much stronger, outgoing, and independent individual with a more knowledgeable sense of Osaka, Tokyo, and college-level schooling. My only regret is that I was not capable of having the high school experience I always wanted. Thanks to my friend, Naoya, however, I can pretend I did while remembering him, many others, and those memorable days in Hirakata…
…waking up to the monotonous chorus of cicadas and “loud birds.” XD
I’m not going to bother giving this any hype. These are mostly quotes from the 2 1/2 hour one-shot session I had with DM Melanie and my partner in the adventure, “Badger.” The adventure was basically a mission that was meant to be simple, but then went terribly wrong due to the existence of mages in the world. What’s amusing is that the mages were young kids who had seen too much Naruto. The DM even named the younger one Naruto, and the older one Sasuke. In the end, my partner and I had to find a way out of fighting two kitsune (foxes) and two kids who can bend reality at their will…not to mention use every jutsu the DM and her partner could think of. Good times. Lots of laughs. Naruto themes playing as bg music. Much D&D parody references from all of us.
Any other quotes are just things I have heard from other students here at Kansai Gaidai.
If something doesn’t make sense, always remember: “It’s the World of Darkness!” – DM
DM: *cues Naruto Main theme music**everyone laughs*
DM: So you see a small kitsune standing in front of you–
Badger: And it has nine tails right?
DM: If you want it to have nine tails then yeah. It does.
Badger: Does it look like a Ninetails? (Pokemon reference)
DM: Okay, okay. It looks like something out of an anime. It’s the most realistic anime ninetails you’ve ever seen.
Badger: Because I see these sorts of things all the time to compare them.
DM: (playing the “Naruto” NPC…using her Queens, NY accent) Look, just leave me alone alright?
Badger: He’s not only from Japan, but has a NY accent.
DM: *in btw laughter* All my characters are from NY!
Badger: You should write a book: How To Speak Japanese With A NY Accent.
Badger: It’s the World of Darkness. Where anime watches you.
Me: Um, I have a bit of an objection to what just happened last turn.
DM: Objection, you say? Well if you’re going to object like that then don’t bother.
Me: (noob) Oh okay. Nevermind then.
DM: No no! You can object, but you have to do it right.
Me: How?
DM: Slap your hand on the table and yell “OBJECTION!”
Me: (catches on quickly) *obeys the DM*
DM: YEAH! Now what did you need again?
DM: Okay, I need you two (me and Badger) to roll for Wits and Charisma. Whomever gets the higher roll is who will be more convincing in this situation.
*I roll 12 while Badger rolls 10*
Me: Looks like I convince you better.
DM: No no! This isn’t D&D!
Badger: Oh! I was seriously about to say IC “Well, you are very convincing.”
DM: Nooo. Kizuno (my character) actually needs to verbally convince you. You can’t just roll for it D&D style.
Me: …The dice have spoken!
[Location: KGU campus] Rob: I actually liked Mai Otome more than Mai Hime–
Me: Because Arika is loli right? [/sarcasm] *laughs*
Rob: Hey! You didn’t let me finish.
Me: Oh. Sorry.
Rob: …Yes.
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